Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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