Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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