Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
bring money and cleavage
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize