no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Text me some of your sweat
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