im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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