You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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