If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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