I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
