I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize