i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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