you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
