hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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