i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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