Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
