Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
