Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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