im six kinds of drunk right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This baby is an asshole
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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