I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
