yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
