it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We're too hungover to prance.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
