ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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