Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize