I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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