Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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