dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
