I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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