the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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