youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
