I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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