the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
