Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my being single is dangerous.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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