you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
