When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
