The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
