i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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