Someone shit on the floor
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
