omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
