In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
