its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
