just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
