This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
