I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I want to be your penis for a week.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
