Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
