party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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