it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She even gives head with a lisp.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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