I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize