I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
