Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

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  (646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo
  Replies (26) Good night (9194) Bad night (1343)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.

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  (802): i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager. (802): ...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon. http://tfl.nu/jfhq
  Replies (28) Good night (702) Bad night (2076)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

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  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (19) Good night (6977) Bad night (1464)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head

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  (908): All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head http://tfl.nu/0vd0
  Replies (5) Good night (1936) Bad night (945)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.

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  (713): Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga. http://tfl.nu/fdid
  Replies (12) Good night (971) Bad night (2013)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore

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  (910): I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore http://tfl.nu/qak0
  Replies (6) Good night (1705) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

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  (209): High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch. http://tfl.nu/isdv
  Replies (4) Good night (3482) Bad night (677)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...

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  (613): Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick... http://tfl.nu/9qzg
  Replies (3) Good night (1059) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drink to make the karaoke go away.

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  (610): I drink to make the karaoke go away. http://tfl.nu/0jio
  Replies (6) Good night (915) Bad night (374)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?

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  (412): Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest? http://tfl.nu/7pdc
  Replies (7) Good night (930) Bad night (380)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..

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  (920): I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever.. http://tfl.nu/5ore
  Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (356)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?

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  (313): I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life? http://tfl.nu/hyy5
  Replies (14) Good night (393) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language

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  (508): Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language http://tfl.nu/6y9g
  Replies (5) Good night (749) Bad night (340)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.

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  (623): There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence. http://tfl.nu/2ktx
  Replies (2) Good night (853) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas

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  (646): Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas http://tfl.nu/3d36
  Replies (0) Good night (205) Bad night (409)

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