My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
