mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
