I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?