Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic

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(402): god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic http://tfl.nu/9rrm

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?

(502): View more from Kentucky

Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?

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(859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga? (502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine? http://tfl.nu/6ljy

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(310): View more from California

I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.

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(310): I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless. http://tfl.nu/yhaf

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(438): View more from Quebec

I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.

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(438): I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures. http://tfl.nu/qhtl

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

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(508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy

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(740): View more from Ohio

his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass

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(740): his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass http://tfl.nu/zmgu

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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(+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr

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(858): View more from California

Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

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(858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5

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(303): View more from Colorado

It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...

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(303): It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively... http://tfl.nu/4ljl

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(314): View more from Missouri

BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE

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(314): BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE http://tfl.nu/wuvh

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(703): View more from Virginia

today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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(703): today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/mp4m

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.

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(918): I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains. http://tfl.nu/wys7

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(217): View more from Illinois

Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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(217): Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/sask

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning

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(615): Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning http://tfl.nu/j3ex

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(248): View more from Michigan

THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?

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(248): THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday? http://tfl.nu/raf6

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