Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
