When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
