There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
