You're a womanizer and a bitch.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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