I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
