Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
