i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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