We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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