If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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