the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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