This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize