she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
