When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
