i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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