Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
